A tiny insight into this addled mind tonight...

Since arriving in Bangladesh, I have found a home, a place of worship and a place of genuine fellowship at Dhaka International Christian church (DICC). Dabbling in youth ministry while I have been here has been two extremes in the two groups I have taken part in. Last year, I semi-committed to OIC (One In Christ) as a leader, but between finding my feet as a first year teacher, being sick all the time, and struggling in my God-given situation, I wasn’t very committed... Neither were half the kids. We were blessed to have a few key kids who were there almost every week and wanted to know Jesus.

This year, DICC’s youth ministry has begun to take flight. We were devastated at the loss of a few of the older, committed kids as they headed to a Christian Boarding School in India which caters for the upper years in a way that Bangladesh cannot, and I wasn’t convinced that God could work this year (I know, I’m stupid for doubting, I’m stupid for even THINKING things couldn’t work). God has proved his faithfulness!!! This year, we have restructured our youth groups. Kingdom Kids (K2) is for kids aged 6-11, Uprising is for kids aged 11-14 and Revolution is for kids aged 15-18. I am one of four leaders for the Uprising group, and I couldn’t be having more fun if I tried!

I did the maths the other night, counting back the years... This is my seventh year in Youth Ministry... And I’m sad to say that this is the first time my heart is well and truly in it. Sad thought. Most shocking to me, is the realisation that up til this year, I THOUGHT I was a committed leader... Um, not so much! Uprising has challenged me in so many ways. Our kids generally fall into one of two categories, their parents are either here as missionaries (or Christians who were willing to come here with their business), or they are from strong Muslim/Hindi background. Those who fall into the first category blow me away each week with their wisdom, insight and understanding of God. Those who fall into the second category blow me away each week at the boldness they have in choosing to seek God, despite the hardships that are a strong potentiality from their families and non-Christian friends.

Living in a strongly Islamic country surprises me sometimes. Like how I had to come to a place such as this to find kids that are truly on fire for the One True God. Turns out that the fact that I never had that ‘aha’ moment of finding God actually makes sense here. In Bangladesh, the idea of having A religion is almost as important as breathing. Here, you very rarely find agnostics or atheists. Religion - and the idea of attaining some sort of place in a further paradise - is so ingrained in life. Everyone here is working towards something... But I’ve got grace, I don’t have to do anything but believe. How refreshing! I’m not sure I could cope, living within the constraints of a religion where you’re never completely assured of your salvation, where you’re the one in charge of making sure YOU get to heaven (or the paradise-equivalent of each belief). The beauty of Christianity in this context, is that we don’t HAVE to do anything, yet CHOOSING to do something brings such joy, satisfaction and a sense of service to God.

There are days when I scream and shout at God for bringing me to Bangladesh. There are days when I feel as though I’m being punished. There are days when I can’t stop crying, and I can’t quite figure out why. There are days that I wake up and feel inadequate here. There are days that I am ready to lasso myself to the first plane I see passing overhead. But through each of those days, God has pulled me through, and he continues to give me grace, hope, love and so many other things. Each new day is a gift, and for every bad moment, there are quite a few good ones.

Thanks goes out to god, first and foremost, however, I'd liek to thank everyone who makes this journey worthwhile - the people at home who still remember, and the people here who know...
Love,
Kim xox

Seems like '_ _ _ _ _ _ _'_' such a hard word to say...

One of the things that really isn't fun about living overseas in a transient community is the frequency with which the word 'goodbye' must be used... Those of us over here had to say farewell to a dear brother over the weekend, and it has thrown more than one of us for six. Each new loss, though painful in its own right, often reminds me of the others who I've had to see off from this place.

The cool upside of all of this is that I have been able to meet so many people that have been such blessings in my life, even if the time span has only been a few short days. Here are some stories of awesome people I've said farewell to... Believe me, this isn't all, just a few...
Cori (Canada): Who I lived with for a year. This was my first venture overseas, and this was her first venture of teaching, so we helped each other lots in different ways.
Hannah (Korea): another roomate in my first year here.
The Nash Family (USA): Jesse taught at school and enriched our spiritual life even with 'How are you going' conversations. Rhonda came into school every so often but mostly was kept busy looking after the kidletts.
Debbie (Australia): was my 'other mother' for the time she was here, giving me hugs and making sure I was looking after myself.
Bryan (USA): Our recently US-bound mate, who was a breath of wisdom and fresh air.
Mark and AC (USA): Who we met in the Bandabarns. The mission organisation they work for is amazing, the way that God is working is powerful!!!! (www.fifty4one.com)
Jeni, India and Pete: The Oasis 3 who kept us smiling and have stayed in our hearts though they are far far far away!
Maija: Who came to Grace on a practicum for teaching... And then got a job in Cambodia... A sister indeed!


Goodbyes suck, but future hello's in heaven are going to be so cool, so worth the wait!

Freedom!

Escaping out of Dhaka is just as it sounds... Escaping the noise, escaping the traffic, escaping the pollution, and est of all, just escaping the bloomin city!!! Last week, I made the roughly 10 hour journey from Dhaka to the Bandabarns, a distance of only about 200 kilometres... Yes, it takes ten hours... I KNOW!

The Bandabarns, located on the lower eastern border of Bangladesh, is a place where any who visit can somehow imagine themselves moving to. Yes, it's still in a third world country. Yes, facilities are limited. Yes, it is a long journey to get anywhere. Yes, it's on the side of a mountain. Yes, it's hot... But compared to Dhaka, it's a paradise, a place where you find yourself getting a high off just seeing hills... and trees... Oh the trees!

A week of trecking, visiting remote tribal villages, riding in the back on an open-top jeep, laughing and fellowship was just what the doctor-in-my-head ordered. If we could have been 'kidnapped' on the last day of the journey whithout making it look staged, Grace International School would have been at a loss, losing half it's staff to the call of the jungle. To be honest, we almost didn't make it back to Dhaka! The ride we thought we'd organised to get from the Bandabarns to our connecting bus at Chittagong didn't show up - proof that even in paradise there can be language barriers and misconceptions - and to say we were hopeful the situation couldn't be rectified is the biggest understatement of the year.

As mentioned, we got to spend some time in a tribal village! Wow, it was one of the coolest experiences of my life thus far! The Mru tribe live in the Bandabarns and have their own language, though from what I could tell, there were some similarities here and there in Bangla. The kids were adorable, and once I got past the fact that most of them are naked, I was able to see and experience a taste of what their life is like. From the tribal leader who spent the first five minutes joking around with us, saying (through giggles I'll have you know) that we should give him 10 taka for each photo we take (yeah like THAT was going to happen!), to the kids who so thoroughly enjoyed eating my tiny teddies, we all had so much fun! Krista even raced some of the kids from the outskirts of the village back into the borders! Ah-mazing times! The journey into and out of the village wasn't quite so fondly remembered, over 600 steps and beaten track each way (aah, the pain), but we figure that at least our butts might have been whipped into some semblance of a shape other than round!!

We even headed up to Chimbuk, which is the second highest peak in Bangladesh. We walked, we saw, and found a bunch of Bengali's who thought we were their equivalent of Jennifer Aniston (being that we have white skin and all that). Olivia, Krista and I climbed a tree. Olivia got stuck. Krista tried to be cool and leapt from said tree holding a branch and landed spectacularly on the ground with a thiud, so clearly, I'm the only one who can be truly trusted to act like a monkey and not be harmed in some way.

One morning, our guide said 'we should take a short walk down to the river'. Ok, said we. Surely a walk to a river will be walking down the hill with minimal effort. WRONG! We were not walking down a path to get to the river... We were trecking... Honest to goodness trecking, in the middle of a flipping JUNGLE! Vines, check. Streams, check. Banana plants, check. Weird bugs, check (Josh and Sam, our Science teachers had the time of their lives!). Heat, check. Unbearable amount of sweat, check. Humidity so high you're sure you need a snorkel, check. Rocks, check, Mountains, check. Moss, check. Leeches, check (on my food, nasty litte blighter!). Once at aforesaid river, our guide arranged for two boats passing by to take us into town. That hour-long journey was gorgeous. We passed by small town, some villages, a boat packed with what I can only explain could have been an under 12's soccer team and everyone they'd ever met...

The Bandabarns reminded me that wherever you are, there are going to be some highlights, and some lowlights. Right now, Dhaka is one of the lowlights, but just knowing that such beauty exists outside the city is enough to keep me going til the next break!!! Unto the brech!!

Kim xox

The journey... begins?

Nothing quite beats walking down the street seeing goats heads sitting neatly in a line, completely body-less... That's just one of the charming sights Krista and I encountered yesterday as we walked the 15 minute or so journey from one shop to another on our Dhaka journeys yesterday. The fact that I didn't throw up then and there is a testiment to just how much life for me has changed in the past 18 months. The journey started 542 days ago with a simple e-mail from Grace International School... And now look where I am, I KNEW checking e-mails and being tech savvy would have it's drawback at some stage!!! I'm kidding, of course!

Later today I am heading out of Dhaka - Whoop whoop!!! Of course, getting out of the the hustle and bustle is amazing, except for the death trap that is ANY vehicle in Dhaka... This will be my fifth and sixth journey on a Bengali 'coach' style bus, and this time, I'm doing it in style, executive seats, baby! Of course, it just means when we are all thrown through the windscreen to our death, I'll be one of the first to black out, but hey, that's why we pay just that little extra, right?? I'm yet to die on the roads here, I highly doubt that God would bring me all this way just to see my life end in such a way... *fingers crossed*

Looking forward to sharing some good stories when I return!!! Til then, here's a hug and a kiss or two to tide you over... xox

13 going on 30...

Today was hard, the beginning of week 10, in a 10 week term, need I say more?! After our weekly staff morning, I decided to hunker down and get a load of work done (which as usual was when my procrastination and feeling of weariness kicked in). You may ask, what is the cure for such an afternoon? Why, The Aussie club, of course!

Life always seems a little better after a swim and dinner at the Aussie club!! Spending time with friends out of the Dhaka context is always nice! Leaving the club to get home, however, is always a slight shock as one readjusts to the South East Asian culture. Like tonight, for example, when I got onto a rickshaw.

My rickshaw wallah (ie: the person who drives the rickshaw) was tiny. Upon the extensive conversation that could take place with his broken english and my 'kaup karap' (Bangla for 'very bad') Bangla, I learned the following things: His name was something my vocal chords and lack of Bangladeshi accent would never be able to pronounce, he was 13, he was working to support his mother, father and two younger brothers... And this was only his second day on the job. He was delighted to share bits and pieces of information (in just two day's work he had earned 502 taka!!) and seemed to like the fact that I lived near my friends (Krista and Esther who who on another rickshaw a little in front of his).

One thing I'll say for Bangladesh - It gives you perspective. Whether you like that perspective or not, it's there, just in front of your face. When I was 13 I was dealing with the fact that I only got between $10 and $20 pocket money. That's more than alot of people here earn in a month. When I was 13 I complained because I didn't want to eat brussel sprouts (actually, I still complain about that). There are people who would gladly eat brussels sprouts here... Out of the rubbish tip... When I was 13 I didn't like having homework. Here, the majority of the population wouldn't even be able to read homework if it was given to them. When I was 13 I wanted Billabong clothes. People here are happy to have a scrap of material to call their own. When I was 13 I complained about the comfort level of my pillow. People here sleep on the street, no bed, no pillow...

Aah, equality. I'm not so sure you exsist...

And so... It has well and truly been a while!

If I get 'How you doin'd' or 'wow'd' once more on a rickshaw in the coming weeks, someone is going to be shot... Here's a tip, random Bengali-man-that-I-don't-know - when I smile, that is NOT an invitation for you to assume I'm yours. I'm just saying.

On another note, I'm all booked - Australia for Christmas! AND, just as exciting as that news, I'll be dragging the ever-lovely Esther with me!!! I'm so blessed to be able to head home for the celebrations! The only thing is that I now have to save every penny to pay for my flights and figure out how I'm going to squeeze in seeing everyone that I possibly can!

Things in my classroom are busy (seriously, when are they NOT?!), but we're having so much fun! This year, for our 'Where in the World' topic, we've been taking magic carpet rides to various countries and then learning about them through activities. Today we strapped ourself onto the Magic carpet (ie: the carpet that happens to be in our room) and headed off to Romania. We studied atlasses and labelled maps then had a chance to decorate Horezo Roosters, a design that features heavily in Romanian pottery. We decided that instead of using pottery we would copy the original design onto transparencies and then use glass paints to decorate them. Needless to say, I had childrens hands covered in paint, but hey, none of them tried to eat it, so that's a bonus!

Maths has been a joy to teach this year so far, getting kids hyped up on M&M's for division 'sharing' problems. The only downside is that M&M's are imported here, so they cost an absolute bomb... Totally worth it now that my kids can divide with very few hassles!

This year, I'm the official 'Music Co-ordinator' for our campass, which has been challenging as I didn't even teach Music to my own class last year. Despite the bumps that I've felt, navigating through the music program currently in use in the school, I've been enjoying imparting my musical knowledge. I've even got Year 3 reading basic notation, something they aren't really meant to be exposed to until year 4 - Huzzah for the advanced kidletts!! I'm also teaching years 2 and 4, which has been a blast, getting to know quite a few kids I didn't really have anything to do with last year. The next big project for me is to start organising our Christmas productions - Eek! In theory, this should be a stress-free excercise, but we all know it wont be, I'm involved!!!!

My year 3's have been writing stories lately, which has kept me amused! Everything from pirates chasing after treasure, children finding hidden doors to other lands and times (not Narnia though, whether you believe it or not), and super hero's with sonic-blasters. My bunch have avid imaginations!!

I've decided to incorporate as many of the resources I made at college this year, so our 'Circle Time' has been based on the values in the NSW Board of Studies curriculum (luckily things like that translate to pretty much any school anywhere!), so we've been meeting some 'friends' including 'Careful Courtney', "Excellent Edward' and 'Respectful Rachel'. The kids are so excited to meet all the toehr characters, we only just started the program and have been learning about each character and value one week at a time. It has been a great way of teaching the kids about what the Bible has to say about how we treat one another.

I've officially made myself settled at my new abode and am loving living with Shannon, another crazy Canadian! She has been such an encouragement to me, and most amazingly, she think's I'm the bees knees!! It's been great spending time with all the newbies too (though, I think they're all veterans now). We're all in the middle of trying to organise our October break plans. So far, I think I'll end up staying in Dhaka, I'm trying to save money for when I'm home over Christmas, and the general cost that that brings. I'm trying to sort out a hens night for Kylie, going to be mega fun! I'm also flying to Brisbane for Jamie and Caths wedding - all wonderful things that require a little bit of moolah!

Ok, I think that's enough information for now!!! Hope everyone is well! Drop me a line if you've got a few moments to spare! miss_k_stevens@hotmail.com

Kim xox

Leave it to... someone else!

If the past week has taught me anything, it is that Gods timing is the only timing that means anything. Between visa's, flights, plans and expectations, there are very few things that have gone according to my perceived timing. It seems to have happeneed that way to all of the Grace staff of late. Perhaps the Devil knows exactly where to hit us at this point. Perhaps he thinks if he strikes now, he stops the wonderful and awesome plans of the one true God. I, as usual, have no concise answers...

So, my crazy journey back to Bangladesh started in Sydney airport, where Cathay Pacific were reluctant to let me go due to my Bangladesh visa expiring soon. I guess they were doing the right thing, making sure I wouldn't be deported from Bangladesh at their costs. It didn't seem to matter how much I explained how Bangladesh operates, they didn't want me getting on that plane! Eventually, they let me sign some forms and they let me onto the plane... Then, mid-air to Hong Kong, one of the flight attendants comes and talks to me about it all again, making sure I understood that if anything happened, it was my problem not theirs. Hong Kong airport was a drama all its' own. My flight from their to Dhaka was scheduled to leave at 18:05. By 7.45 they still hadn't posted what gate the flight was laving from! As I was boarding, I was tackled with visa questions again!! Once on the flight, all was well, thank goodness! Dhaka airport, oh dhaka airport! They took my passport away for a little while after telling me 'Ok, Madam' when I told them I was about to reapply for my visa. Luckily, they brought the passport back and then let me into the country!!!! AMEN!

Now that I am back and settling into things, I've been provided with yet more evidence that Bangladesh, like God, works on it's own timetable... The difference between the two, however, is that when God promises something, it happens!!!!!

Til the next instalment,
K xx

Q and A

20kg... 20kg! It's hard to fit your life into a suitcase, when all you are allowed is 20kg! I guess that this time around, I'm not moving my whole life over to Bangladesh, as I did last year, which is an upside. I am, however, stuck in an endless cycle of 'What is going to be most useful, Gumboots for the flooding or sheet music for my sanity?'... As usual, I think that the music will win the battle!

As usual, friends in Australia are asking all sorts of lovely questions, so I thought I'd stop and try to answer them as eloquently as possible:

What is Bangladesh like?
Well, in terms of climate, Bangladesh is what I imagine sitting in a drier that's 10 minutes into an hour cycle would be like. On the one hand, you're moist no matter where you are, and on the other hand it's flipping hot! I have a lovely little application on my laptop which keeps my up to date with the temperature and climate in Dhaka. At this current moment, it is 8 am in Bangladesh and it's already 30% with an added kick of 79% humidity. I really WISH I was kidding! Gees, the humidity is going to kill me next week! In other climate news, it's monsoon season at the moment, which means potential torrential rain, flooding and general blah-ness. Perhaps we'll have to head to school one day in boats rather than busses!

Why are you in Bangladesh?
This is a question that has so many long answers. The most straightforward response is this: I am in Bangladesh because God placed a calling on my life. I wasn't necessarily called to Bangladesh or teaching, I was called to live a life of genuine obedience, where I am challenged to do whatever God asks of me. It's something I have struggled with my whole life. Looking back, I now realise that there have been instances where I have not been obedient. I'm in Bangladesh as a teacher at a school that serves the mission families of Bangladesh by taking responsibility of the schooling of their children so that THEY can do what God has asked them to do without feeling any angst over the development or educational status of their children.

What does a 'normal' day look like for you in Bangladesh?
My day often starts by hitting the snooze button quite a few times! I have NEVER been a morning person, but the 'early to bed, early to rise' culture of Bangladesh schooling means that I get picked up for work at 6:45. I tell you what, those sorts of hours of the morning were NOT part of Gods perfect plan!!! On days when I sleep in, I leave for school at 7:15, to be in my classroom, doing final prep for the day by 7:30. The kids are brought to school on our fleet of school busses (basically just a set of vans) and they start to arrive at 7:45. The school day doesn't start until 8:15, but the kids are in the classroom early, finishing work from the previous day, reading, playing quiet games etc until the bell goes. Each day we have an assembly where the kids sing, pray and learn about God. These times are really special, the teachers take turns leading the assemblies and everyone has their own style. At the end of the day, when the cherubs have gone home I generally stay at school for a little while to do prep for the following day. We're very blessed in Dhaka to have a few western comforts like Internet and coffee shops - a lifesaver at the end of a long day!

What do you do aside from school? Are you able to relax?
Because there is such a large expatriate community in Bangladesh, there are many options for relaxation. There are 'clubs' people can join (There is an American club, Australian Club, Canadian club etc). These clubs provide respite, they are just a great place to hang out and unwind. The Australian club has a very laid-back feel, with a pool, tennis court, gym, bar, restaurant and tv area. Needless to say, escaping into the pool is a great way to waste an afternoon or 5 a week! Some of the bigger clubs have other things like dart competitions, pool tables etc which offer different relaxation! For those of us who are feminine and like to be pampered, there are eastern-run, Western-like salons, where getting your nails done is super cheap and a nice treat!

When are you moving back to Australia?
Ok guys, you can stop asking this question, because i quite simply DON'T have an answer for you! I'm contracted in Bangladesh until June 2011, and I don't know at this stage whether I will extend my contract, head back to Australia or move on somewhere else. When God makes the next move apparent, I promise I will tell people! But for the near future, the answer is 'Ami jani na' (I don't know - in Bangla!).

What's the best part about being in Bangladesh?
Without a doubt, the most pleasantly surprising thing about being in Bangladesh is the people who are now such an important part of my life. I now have friends spread out all over the world! It's amazing that God has intertwined so many lives through Grace International School. How else would I have met two Canadians, a wonderful friend from Northern Ireland, a ton of Bengali people who I love and numerous friends?!

What's the most confronting thing there?
Confrontation here can come at you from many fronts. What one person may find overwhelming isn't so bad for someone else. The thing that has shaken me more than anything here has been the immense poverty. That people need to beg in order to live astounds me. There are kids who were born on the streets, who work on the streets, grow up, learn to survive, and the shocking truth is that for most of them, that is the only life they will ever know.

Can you communicate while you're in Bangladesh?
You know what?! Skype is quite possibly the best invention ever! The beauty of Skype is unlimited. Between free phone calls and chat, free VIDEO calls are amazing and mean that even though I feel so far away from home, I'm still connected! Seriously, it's a free download! Add me - sydney.sweetheart ;)
As for the language-side of communication here, I'm very blessed that alot of people in Bangladesh speak enough English so that we can communicate! So, between their fumbled attempts at Engligh and my fumbled attempts at Banlga, we do just fine :)




If you have other questions, I'm more than happy to answer them! Fire away!

Kim xox

Somewhere down the line

One day, the time will come when you realise that at some point, the dream ended and reality began. When that time comes, it hits you like a slap in the face, it wounds you in ways you didn't think anything could... and when it's done causing the pain that it can, it continues to spiral inside you, looking for a place to rest.

Please don't misunderstand me, dreams are beatiful, amazing and splendid things. I have never once doubted the place that dreams can have in a persons life (though, perhaps my dream of having perfect Disney-style hair was a tad unrealistic given that my hair has never failed to be unruly and frizzy at best). Dreams and idealisms give us the chance to look ahead and see something wonderful, and it often gives us the strength to strive towards such a goal.

I think that perhaps, that is enough from me tonight. I fear that if I write anymore, the fact that it is 2:30 am will hit fairly heavily...

Til the next instalment,
Kim xox

Danger, Will Robbinson, Danger!! System overload!

"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquored long ago"
- Friedrich Nietzsche

It is undoubtably true in my life, that when I am tired, old thoughts, old ideas, old insecurities come pouring through the gaps in the boards that I had used to block up the doorway. Some of the boards are mere popsicle sticks layered haphahazardly together, each one a symbol of one method of moving on used over and over again. Some of them are thick, bold planks that are not easily shaken. But, just as a chain is only as strong as the weakest link, one insecurity is often enough to make the whole structure fall.
I absolutely love my job. I love the children I teach, and although I don't always enjoy the associated tasks, I generally am able to conquer them one by one, knowing that I am doing my best. This time of year, it is hard NOT to be exhausted and feeling weighed down by the myriad of things that are important, necessary, but time consuming.
This week has been one of those tough ones, when one after another, pieces of the sky seem to fall. Hours of sleep have been lost through heat, worry, sickness and circumstance. Unfortunately, I require sleep in order to operate and keep this little engine going. There are problems when the engine has more to do than it has legitimare and reasonable energy to do. And I am afraid that this has meant that as a teacher, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a grand-daughter, a colleague, a friend, a house-mate etc, I have failed miserably this week.
And you know what I could have done instead of letting this happen?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28

And... I'm sorry, what?

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.
Proverbs 20:15

From time to time, when metaphorical stuff hits a metaphorical fan, you need to ask the question "where did this come from?"... Sometimes the answer is obvious; of course I was going to walk into that chair when I left it in the middle of the room, of course we were going to break the bed with THREE of us jumping just to see what happened... But more often than not in my experience, things happen, and it is hard to find the cause, hard to find the appropriate animal, vegetable or mineral to absorb the hurt, anger or annoyance that we feel.

Things that have happened in the last week have reminded me that we live in a fallen world, that the pain that we experience was NEVER meant to be like this. The world was perfect "And God saw that it was good" (Genesis 1:25). And then what? As my Year Three's would say: "people stuffed it up". Now, an eight year olds view of 'stuffing up' goes something like this: '3X3=6, no it doesn't, it =9'!!!!! And yet, they understand that Adam and Eve's actions had the ability to eternally set us apart from God... The moment the deed took place, the 'place that was good' was tainted.

Luckily, when the stuff hits the fan, I'm surrounded by people with the wisdom to know when to speak, when to hug, when to rebuke, when to let me cry. For THAT, I am eternally thankful.

Stephanie J Block + Dolly Parton = love...

You know you've stumbled across a new favourite Musical Theatre song when you start applying it to your own life and screaming out the lyrics at any given moment (much to the annoyance of your room-mates or friends who happen to be around at the time). Often, the songs that seem to grab my attention are ones that are strong, punchy and involve yelling at someone (usually a man, if I'm being perfectly honest). Well, this latest installment sticks to the regular checklist. Written by Dolly Parton and belted out by Stephanie J Block: 'Get out and stay out'
Get out and stay out, I've finally had enough
Don't kiss me on your way out, it wouldn't move me much
You used me, abused me, you cheated and you lied
So get out and stay out, I'm taking back my life
Well, It's funny how you waltzed in here, assuming I'd come back
Well let me tell you something, you are way off track
Can't you see I'm different, or are you still that blind
No - you stand right there and take it, there's no love to hide behind
Well, I am proud to tell you I'm really feeling good.
I'm doing so much better than you ever thought I would.
Got my own place, my own space, where I can dream and plan
It took me this long to realize I do not need a man

I used to need you, then I finally learned
I used to want you, not the tables turned
I used to love you, now it's your time to squirm
Cause I'm saying goodbye and I won't wait for your return.
So get out and stay out, I've finally had enough
Don't kiss me on your way out, it wouldn't move me much
You used me, abused me, you cheated and you lied
So get out and stay out, I'm taking back my life
I wonder what you'll do when I am not around
Now that your new love has up and let you down
You've always come crying to me throughout the years
To mend another broken heart, to dry your selfish tears.
So get out and stay out, I'm moving on at last
Oh, I've been so foolish, but that was in the past.
I never thought I'd be the one to say goodbye
You get out and stay out, I'm taking back my life.

Dreams and plans are in the making
Success is out there for the taking
Wish it was as simple as it sounds
I have no choice I have to do it
Face the future, walk into it
Now that I'm unfettered and unbound

Get out and stay out, I've finally had enough
Don't kiss me on your way out, it wouldn't move me much
You used me, abused me, you cheated and you lied
So get out and stay out, I'm taking back my life

Haha, take THAT!!

Plagerism... Perhaps, but they stole the words from my brain, I swear!

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever.

I could be
In someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see
A reason to be lonely
I could take my chances
Further down the line
And if
That girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now!
I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me.


They, my friends, are my current thoughts, brought to you lyrically by the creators of the musical 'Chess'... I have nothing further to add, except to say that i am thankful for what I've got, and I'm not meaning to sound like there's something tragically wrong, I promise you that is not the case!
Peace, homies!

Kim xox

"I get a kick out of you..."

Each day at our school, we have an assembly, which the teachers take turns running. These half-hour or so meetings involve a kids talk, worship songs, prayer and some announcements from time to time. At the moment, the theme of our talks is "Favourite Bible Characters". Let it be said, I loathe having to run an assembly... Put me in front of up to 30 children and I'm fine... 100? Not so much. I never have the right words to say, especially when there are so many adults, fellow teachers who I admire and respect and I always end up looking retarded in front of them...
Anyway, yesterday I was the teacher running the assembly and I chose to speak about Abigail (1 Samuel 25). Now, to make a long story short, Abigail was a woman of integrity, who did what ws asked of her because she knew it was right. She ticked off her husband by providing aid to some of King David's soldiers, knowing that that was what god was asking of her. She was under no obligations to provide, but she chose the righteous path...

Today, the lovely Esther was in charge of assembly (by the way, that woman was born for kid's ministry!!). She told us all about the life of Peter and the ways in which she has learned from him. You know what?! Peter was a real douche sometimes. He stuffed up over and over again, yet he had enough faith to initially step of a boat ONTO water and walk towards Jesus. True, he didn't make it very far, but he 'stepped out in faith' so to speak. I wish I could have faith like that.

We are told that our faith can move mountains. And yet, we are so unbelievably scared of what we could accomplish with god's help, so we rely on ourselves.

There have been many things happening in the past few weeks, and at times I've felt like I've been left as a shattered, broken and useless shell. Why in the world am I trying to do this on my own?! In Bangladesh of all places?! I think we get ourselves into a comfortable little nook and we forget what God can do if we only say 'YES!'.

The last time I said yes, I ended up on a plane, zooming away from everything I'd ever known. But you know what? I haven't said 'yes' to anything since then and I've been beating myself up over the fact that I can't do this on my own. What a retard! We were not designed to do this on our own. Even in God's perfect world, the Garden of Eden, God was still there and he desired a real relationship. How could I ever think that he would want anything less now?!

Where are you at? Are you trying to make it on your own?

"We were meant to live for so much more..."

There comes a point in the life of every superhero, when they realise that they can't solve everyone's problems. I will never ever claim to be anyone's superhero, yet I have reached that point of shocking revelation. I've got to be honest, it sucks.

A people-pleaser from the moment I undoubtably understood friendship, I'm really struggling at the moment. Details, in this instance, do not matter. All that needs to be said is that people all over the world who are dear to me are hurting, and there is very little that i can really do to be of any help whatsoever. I could very easily turn this into a 'poor me' type moment, but it really isn't. This isn't about me at all. This is simply the despair of seeing pain and being unable to stop it.

As I walk down the main street of Dhaka, I realise that this sort of despair isn't limited to those who are well known to us. A middle-aged woman in a make-shift wheelchair, with withered legs approached Esther and I on a rickshaw the other day. A smile on her face, the pain in her eyes, the despair, yet joy, in her heart... What can I do? Sure, I can give all my Taka away, but that doesn't solve a thing...

Bangladesh, like everywhere else in the world, shows contrast between the worldly views of good and evil. Superman, I'm sure, couldn't solve everything here, just like I can't solve the hurt in my friend's lives... I will, however, do what I can and hope for the best, trusting that God is faithful and just and that "This too, shall pass".

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:10

Absolute peace

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”
-Margaret Elizabeth Sangster


Amen!!! Speak to you soon... From Bangladesh :)
Kim xox

"In each piece of my life there’s been proof of regret and the things I can’t change I don’t want to forget"

It is not very often that I become attatched to a COMPOSERS work. Usually, I fall musically in love with the performer and don't think to look beyond the 'star' to see who's work is really on display, which is strange, because when it comes down to it, I see myself as much more of a composer than a performer. Put me on a stage and I'm mesmerised, I turn into someone else, but take away the anonymity, try and get me raw on the stage, there's nothing I could hate more... Though, that being said, I make NO great claims to the title of 'composer', just FYI.

I have fallen in love with Scott Alan's music of late. I first started this love affair when I was in 'Midlight', where the three lead girls battled it out in "I'm a star", Jess convinced me that "Never Neverland" was written for me and Rachael made me teary with "Home". Upon moving to Bangladesh, I decided that life would be far more enjoyable if I stepped up and finally joined the masses, downloading I-Tunes... Well, this has turned out to be an expensive venture, even if you only think about the costly additions to my theatre-related collections (Now REALLY, how could Scott Alan use artists like Tracie Thoms, Stephanie J. Block and Eden Espinosa and NOT get me hooked?)...

I urge you, check out some of Scott's stuff if you ever get the chance. If worst comes to worst, commandeer my laptop and listen to my collection of his stuff... Utter brilliance, honest! In particular, look up "I'm a Star" (Eden Espinosa), "Say Goodbye"(Katie Thompson), "Behind these walls" (Kerry Ellis) and "Never Neverland (Fly Away)" (Stephanie J. Block)... Do yourself a favor, fall in love with the composer who's stolen my heart!

All my love,
Kim xo

Mixed contempt...

Don't get me wrong, I love fireworks as much as the next person. However, living in a third world country, knowing the basic needs a human requires puts a certain perspective spin upon everything I see an experience. Want to know how much the Australian Government spent on the New Years fireworks? How does a measly $5 Million sound?!

Five Million dollars is ALOT of money, no matter where you're from. In Bangladesh, it is the equivalent of Thirty Million Taka. 30 million! That would fund most of Bangladesh for quite a while! And Sydney spent it in two twenty minute sessions of fireworks!! In my mind, that does not compute. And yet, in the Western culture I'm currently in, it would be rare for someone to bat an eye at these sort of financial figures being thrown around.

Justification?!

I can't say I've 'settled' into the western culture...