"There's been a change in me... a time of moving on... "

At this moment, by bed is covered in things that need to make it back to Australia. Christmas presents, clothes, books, cards, photo's... It's funny that I can sum up alot of what has happened in the past five months just by looking around my room.

Of course, my room reminds me only of the good times here. In the corner, above my desk, is the beautiful parisol I fell in love with at Cox's Bazaar, the one that Jessie then bought for me and gave to me for my 23rd birthday. There is every card I've recieved since being here. The ones that keep me going the most are the ones from home, letters that were written from a place of love and care. There's the cute cushions on my reading chair, a reminder that there is beauty in all things... And at the moment, there is also my suitcase, a gentle, calming reminder that I am about to be blessed incredibly. Blessed with the opportunity to visit 'home' for a few weeks and reconnect with the people I left behind.

Obviously, there are many things that happen here that I would prefer to forget. They are the sort of things I try not to bring home with me each day... Living in a third world country really opens your eyes to the fundamental things of life. Here, life is about getting through each day, finding enough food and nourishment, hoping that their life will continue through the next morning. I really don't enjoy making bangladesh sound dramatic. I don't want people to feel bad for me. I actually love it here, and feel so blessed... But seeing people dying on the street is a daily struggle.

Last week I performed in the Upper School christmas production. I sang a song written by Jesse, one of the other teachers here. The whole production was about beggers, our perception of poverty, seeing things from the other side... My character was a hauty rich woman who has just passed through a large group of beggers. The lyrics of the chorus of the song I sang were:
"Why should I help them
What difference would it make
They are so many
And I am just one
Why should I help them
When nothing will be changed
Their needs are many
So what can me done?"
I've got to say, this has challenged me. From a basic level, it often feels like I can't really help people here. I know that I am here as a TEACHER, that is my 'mission', but how can I sit back and do nothing about the pain and poverty thrust suddenly into my world view? I could give and give and give here (though it still overwhelms and confronts me incredibly), and I could use every resource available. And it would be not even a drop in the bucket compared to the poverty and low quality of live here. Oh, what to do...

I hope this doesn't sound like I am complaining... This is just a struggle in my life at the moment. I was hanging out with friends tonight, and we were talking about adjusting to this life. I said something completely offhand which I'm sure will turn up on someone's quote page...
Yes, there are challenges here, there are things that are hard, there are trials... but if I wasn't going through this now, I'd be dealing with something else back 'home'... There will always be ups and downs. I'm going through stuff here, but if I wasn't, I'd be going through something else at home... The only difference is that back home, I would be dealing with it with carpet under my feet and un-peeling paint on the wall... Perspective, hey?!

Peace and blessings, dear ones!
To those of you in Sydney, I'll see you very soon!!

Kim xox